Lesson 1: Random or fate
If you have been following my previous posts or have read it somewhere, one of the biggest influences on my life has been the Vipassana Meditation courses, which here are the 10-day courses I have attended.
Vipassana means "see things as they are".
The first time I knew about it was on an occasion when I was invited to work as a photographer for a hotel event in early 2015. Ms. Naomi, marketing manager for The Student Hotel in the Netherlands, was the one who invited me to Amsterdam to Photo shoot for a student welcome event.
During the event, my sister and I talked and she told me that she had just attended a 10-day meditation retreat back in Belgium. I found it very interesting and I asked for information about the retreat. She said it was called Vipassana. After that, I did some research but forgot about it.
In 2015, after that, coincidentally 2 or 3 people followed up talking about these 10 day courses and I started to get quite curious. However, to arrange 10 days of school is not easy.
By the end of 2015, during my 6 months of cultural exchange in Austria, that winter, I had no other plans for 2 weeks of winter break. Besides, I also want to save money. So I signed up to try a 10-day course in Austria. I didn't learn much and didn't have much expectations either. Just know that the course is free and there is no accommodation fee. Great, excellent, wonderfull.
Fortunately, the course also had support to find someone to move with if needed, because at that time I had to go from Vienna, the capital of Austria, to the West bank of Austria, bordering Switzerland. At first, I planned to take the train, but fortunately I found 3 brothers and sisters with a car to share. That saves on extra transportation costs. (Fun question, do you think you're "funded" to go to school? 😂)
Now that I'm writing these lines, I see an organization or company that has made Customer Experience to the end, whether profit or non-profit, they will find ways to support their best to satisfy their philosophy, for example like Vipassana is no-cost, no tuition fee, no fee.
My brother and I went early in the morning at 8 o'clock in the morning, and in the evening around 6 o'clock, we arrived, and it took 10-11 hours to travel. Now that I think about it, the travel time at that time was not very long, but now looking back at the map, it seems really far away.
When my brother and I arrived, we saw that many cars had arrived first, we arranged the car, got our things and started walking into the Zen area. It was quite cold outside at that time because it was winter. I feel very excited to experience something new. I can't wait to start.
I will tell more in the next post.
Lesson 2: “Law” of the forest
Yesterday I told you about the coincidence that I discovered Vipassana meditation 8 years ago as well as the short journey from Vienna to the remote mountains of the West Coast of Austria to attend my first 10 day meditation course.
One of the things I've wanted to do for a very long time is sit down and write about my first meditation experience. Now sitting and writing these lines, I feel like I'm too stupid because it's been too long, making memories and memories also wear out over time.
It would be difficult if I told myself to recount every single day of that meditation now in detail and accuracy, and would probably have to fabricate a few details to make the story line smoother, but I can be sure I wasn't. things that shouldn't be fictional, such as The "law" of Vipassana or the story that I was "overwhelmed".
Let's talk about the law first.
That evening, I traveled nearly 12 hours from Vienna to the remote mountains on the west coast of Austria. I went to the meditation area and felt very fresh because the meditation area was located in the middle of a small forest with lots of tall trees.
After checking in with the course management, me and my brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts had tea and light fruit. Then everyone was informed about the rules of the Zen course.
Some typical regulations are:
- Do not communicate (even look at each other), talk to anyone during the course, except for the meditator (support person) and the teacher.
- Do not use phones, computers, do not read books and write. Everything will revolve around the practice of meditation, eating and resting.
- Do not practice sports, yoga or physical activities (this I will explain more clearly why because many of you may wonder)
- All meditators must reach the end of the course (except for extremely special cases to return midway).
- And there are many other regulations with the ultimate aim of helping to focus entirely on the practice of meditation, without disturbing the people around.
The first time I heard these regulations, some of them couldn't even imagine what it would be like in 10 days, such as not using the phone or not being able to read or write. I thought a retreat should at least be read or written to contemplate!
However, I see that people around are also quite calm with these regulations, so I think it will be okay.
And so right after that first gentle meditation of the evening with Goenka's mantra, the rules came into effect, and I was really nervous, nervous, and excited at the same time. What will the next 10 days be like?
See you in the next post.
Lesson 3: Difficulty sleeping
In the past two days, I was quite surprised to receive a lot of positive feedback and expectations from the series about the 10-day Vipassana course. It makes me have a feeling of "missing" the course too. It's been too long since I've traveled, the last time I went was February, 2019. Well it's been 4 years (What a shame, it's been a few years, bad temper and bad temper...)
Because of the very positive feedback, I will also use all my heart and memory to try to retrieve all the memories I have left.
—
St. Arbogast, around December 25, 2015,
After being informed about the rules and regulations of the course, everyone went back to their room to rest to prepare for the next morning starting day 1 of the course.
It was about 9pm, still very early than usual, I usually go to bed. 1-2 months before the meditation course, I started selling online, so I often work late to sleep, so I am not used to this new schedule of activities.
I share a room with other new male yogis in a 3-storey building, I'm on the 3rd floor. The male area is completely separate from the female area. In the room, as far as I remember, there are about 20 people, and there is a bathroom, a common dressing room.
My bed is right next to the window and looking at the forest (from memory it is pine forest), I feel very good because it has "view", but a few days later, I don't like it very much. Why, let me tell the next part.
My bed is a queen size bed, very soft and the mattress is very warm. It is unbelievable that a free meditation course is equipped with such a luxurious sleeping place.
I really wanted to take out a book or take notes to write, but unfortunately the regulations did not allow so I just went to bed and waited for sleep.
According to the schedule, the bell will ring at 4am and meditators will have 30 minutes to prepare before the first meditation session begins at 4:30am.
I'm so excited for the first day. I think this retreat will help me relax and let go of many things because I also work under stress and tension during that period. Right now, I haven't had time to breathe and slow down, so I also lie down and think a little about the past period.
Damn, it's already 11 o'clock and I still can't sleep, I don't know how tomorrow morning. I try to turn off my thoughts, lie down as much as possible to try to sleep to get strength for tomorrow.
…
See you tomorrow for the next story.
P/s: Bonus for you 1 day schedule of the course:
| 4:00 am | Alarm |
|---|---|
| 4:30-6:30 am | Meditate in the common hall or in the room |
| 6:30-8:00 am | Breakfast break |
| 8:00-9:00 am | Group meditation in the common hall |
| 9:00-11:00 am | Meditate in the common hall or in the room depending on the instructions of the teacher |
| 11:00-12:00 noon | Take a lunch break |
| 12 noon-1:00 pm | Rest and maybe interview with the teacher |
| 1:00-2:30 pm | Meditate in the common hall or in the room |
| 2:30-3:30 pm | Group meditation in the common hall |
| 3:30-5:00 pm | Meditate in the common hall or in the room depending on the instructions of the teacher |
| 5:00-6:00 pm | Tea break |
| 6:00-7:00 pm | Group meditation in the common hall |
| 7:00-8:15 pm | Teacher talks and lectures |
| 8:15-9:00 pm | Group meditation in the common hall |
| 9:00-9:30 pm | Ask the teacher a question |
| 9:30 pm | Back to the room – Turn off the lights |
Lesson 4: Very unfortunate misunderstanding
Before continuing with the detailed day-to-day stories of the Vipassana meditation course, there is one thing I would like to share.
If you ever intend to try a Vipassana course or if you have friends who take a Vipassana course, you need to understand something like this:
Everyone will experience, feel, and feel differently when participating in a Vipassana course.
There is a very unfortunate misunderstanding from 3 sides:
One is that if you have never taken a course before and have heard a lot of good things about it, you would expect it to do the same for you, and just by taking the course you will. achieve the same results as others.
Second, if you have completed the course and have achieved good or bad things, you will think other people experience what you experience. You will be advised to join or not to participate because of what you experience.
Third, if you see friends or family participating or you hear descriptions of the course and you find it harmful or too extreme, and you equate all participants with meditators in general.
All have their reasons.
However, it is similar to eating a specialty dish, traveling to a famous place, or taking a famous Yoga class.
Everyone has their own experience. Some people like it, some people don't. Some people are compatible, some people are obsessed. Some people find it very easy and comfortable, others feel it is a torture and there is no fun.
Because of this, my good fortune in the past when I attended my first Vipassana Meditation course was that in the past I didn't have much expectations and I didn't hear about a bad experience much. So I joined with a very relaxed attitude and like a blank sheet of paper.
Maybe that's also the great thing about children and life? Take everything with curiosity and explore no matter how ugly or beautiful it is?
Some people go through life and describe it as torture, horrible, just unfair, and always needy.
Someone goes through life and describes it as beautiful, happy, blissful, and always full.
Some people describe life as a box of chocolates, you never know what you will win.
Prejudice and prejudice will cause us to have expectations for ourselves about an issue or someone before we have had a chance to experience it in its purest form.
As long as it's not drugs, poisons or 100% things that cause death and harm yourself, harm others, all the rest, whether good or bad, are still your own personal experiences and lessons in life. This.
Lesson 5: Why is no one like you?
I want to talk a little more about yesterday's post. Yesterday I talked about each person will have a different experience and thought of a 10 day Vipassana course. However, I haven't made it clear why there is this different experience and thinking.
To talk more deeply about the reasons why, in the next articles when I talk more deeply about each day, I will also analyze more clearly why each person will have a different experience.
However, here are a few general reasons that everyone will surely have a different experience.
1. Expectations
Yesterday I said that I am lucky to have no expectations for this course. That's not entirely true either. Who does nothing without a purpose or a little expectation that they will achieve something. Otherwise, we will prioritize other things or do not waste time and effort to do anything. However, when I joined the first meditation course, my only expectation was that this would be a stress-relieving retreat. And if I don't relieve stress, it's also a new experience, so I feel quite comfortable. However, there will be many brothers and sisters and friends who have certain expectations that must be achieved, such as healing an injury, an illness, or solving a problem. Or do I expect to achieve good results as a friend, relative or someone describes the course. Then there are people who expect that the facilities must meet the requirements or the rules are not too strict. Since everyone's expectations are different, the experience is bound to be different.
2. Health and physical, physical
Each participant is in a different state of body, mind and body. Meditating for nearly 10 hours a day, continuously for 10 days will definitely have a strong impact on your health and body. If you go when you are unwell or your body is not in the best shape, it will be different from those of you who are healthy. If your body is stiff, it is likely that you will also sit more tired than if you have a more relaxed and light body. But don't use that as an excuse not to join, because sometimes that's also the reason you need to participate, to examine your body and better understand yourself.
3. Past experience
This I will go into more depth in the next posts. However, since Vipassana meditation means seeing things as they really are, when you practice Zen you will be trained to see and see things, especially your emotions and past experiences, in the light of your past. its true nature. Therefore, no one will experience the same because each person's emotions and past experiences are different. We will also look at things differently.
4. Human nature
If you believe in astrology, numerology, or personality tests, you know that no one is alike and everyone feels things differently. In addition, we also experience the course differently, change differently after the course. So hearing the experience or having certain expectations is personal to each person.
Those are the 4 basic reasons why everyone's experience is different, no one is the same.
If advised, I would advise that if you decide to participate, whether new or traveling, always keep a blank mind, and be open to the experience, no matter what it is.
Hope the above sharing is useful to you.
Lesson 6: Day 1 – Einstein was right
I will continue to tell the story of my 10-day Vipassana study trip. The other day, I finished talking about day 0, the day I went to the meditation school, learned about the rules, and went back to my room to prepare for the first day.
—
Day 1
[Coong….coong…coong…]
3 knocking bells rang and I woke up startled, my mind was still vague with questions: where is this, why is it so dark, who turned on the lights.
When I opened my eyes, I woke up to see everyone in the room getting ready to start the first day of the meditation course. I also don't know what time it is because I don't have a phone to check the time because I have submitted it to the school. It was super cold because it was winter but still in the mountains in the middle of the forest.
I also hurriedly prepared to get started. I brushed my teeth, changed, put on my coat and went downstairs to move to the meditation hall.
When I entered, almost everyone was already in meditation. It was still dark, the yellow light was on just enough. I sit in the last row on the right in the order that has been assigned. Since I'm a new student, I sit in the second half area. Former yogis will sit in the first half area.
The first meditation time of the first day starts from 4:30 am to 6:30 am. I used to meditate for 10-20 minutes, but 2 hours, I can't imagine what it's like, and it's also at the time when I usually fall asleep.
I just know I'm pretty sleepy but the excitement of the first day also helps to compensate for the energy to meditate.
I sit with my legs crossed, I still sit at home, but I don't know how to sit in lotus positions because I have never studied formal meditation.
I started to sit and try to focus on my breathing. Since it was the first morning, there was not much instruction. People come to meditate together.
Since I don't have a clock and have no way of knowing how many minutes have passed, I keep thinking in my head every once in a while, "Wow, it must have been half an hour." The pain and fatigue in my legs and back started to appear, and I said to myself: "Stop trying, just 4 more 30 minutes and it will be over."
I closed my eyes again and tried to concentrate again. I changed my sitting position constantly because I couldn't sit still because I was too tired. Every time I open my eyes like that, I see everyone sitting silently in the same position without moving, I think: "Isn't there no one like me? Why isn't anyone moving or seems to be in pain?"
I continued to sit, sit and sit forever, time passed like endless, I must have counted 20 times 30 minutes, but not yet finished the first 2 hours.
Suddenly there was singing in the speakers of the meditation hall. I don't know whose voice it is and what language it is singing, it sounds more like moaning than singing. I am also bewildered with a lot of questions: "Should I just start teaching meditation now? What language do you not understand? Why so long? Or is it about to end?”
This singing (groaning) it goes on and on and on, never ending. Everyone is still meditating motionless, and I have a lot of suffering from physical to endurance.
This singing (groaning) must have lasted for 1 hour, too long.
Suddenly it stopped, 3 bells rang again.
[Coong….coong…coong…]
The person who sang (groaning) earlier said: "Take rest, take rest". Everyone started to stand up. That's when I realized that my meditation time was over. For me it must have been 10 hours, but the real time is only 2 hours…
I don't think there's much retreat, just pain and suffering. I was too tired, but I got up and followed everyone to have breakfast… It's only been the first 2 hours of 10 days, but it's already like that, I don't know what will happen next.
Lesson 7: If you throw a javelin, you must follow the javelin
Yesterday I told you about the first 2 hours of the first day of the first Vipassana course that I attended. As you can see, Einstein was right about the theory of relativity, 2 hours sitting with your crush feels like 2 seconds, and 2 hours sitting in Vipassana meditation with me feels like 20 hours.
Maybe that's why writing a story for 2 hours feels like writing a book, because so many emotions take place in those 2 hours, that is, I have forgotten a lot after 8 years, but if I just joined finished and written immediately, it will be more detailed.
—
Day 1 (continued)
After completing the first 2 hours of meditation in the morning from 4:30 to 6:30 a.m., my body was exhausted. I feel so lucky that it's over and now I can eat some. Feeling that the body is both sleepy, cold, hungry and eating is different from seeing gold.
The breakfast buffet is also full of popular breakfast dishes in Europe because at that time I attended the course in Austria. There are oats, porridge, fruit, bread, jam, fried noodles, tea, and water. Generally quite hearty with a free meditation course. I feel really wow with the thoughtful preparation from the organizers.
Because it was the 1st day of the course, everyone had to respect the Noble Silence rule, that is, to keep completely silent and not to communicate with anyone, whether by voice, gestures, or eye contact.
Everyone chooses a corner to eat, no one communicates with anyone. The dining room is a large hall with tall rectangular windows, allowing light to flood the room.
[Fortunately, I found a picture of the old dining room for you to see.]
[Only difference in the picture is that the dining tables are placed close to the wall and look at the wall or window instead of the surrounding table, because they have to be placed close to the wall and look at the wall so as not to look at each other and limit contact with each other]
…
I felt hungry so I also ate until I was full, but I noticed that many people ate very quickly and also retired to their rooms early. I must be one of the longest eaters.
Meal and rest time is 6:30am - 8:30am. I found that eating and resting at 1h30 is quite a lot, so I also take it slow. After eating, I went back to my room to rest a bit, before continuing to study meditation from 8 am to 11 pm.
Because I ate quite a lot, when I got back to my room, I had to rest a bit before lying down. I tried to sleep a little, but before I could sleep, the bell rang. I seem to have spent a lot of time eating breakfast, so I didn't have time to rest.
I told myself I would learn from experience next time eat a little faster to have time to rest and sleep a little.
I rummaged and prepared to enter the meditation hall. Thinking about having to sit for the next 3 hours, I don't know what it will be like, after spending 2 arduous mornings.
The first 2 hours broke the thought that this was a retreat to relieve my stress. Half of me hopes that this morning is just a special time, and that the next sessions will be lighter. Half of me is also a little nervous, not knowing what will await me next...
Lesson 8: It's too much to bear
Day 1 (continued)
After eating breakfast, resting a bit and not having time to sleep due to eating for a long time, I continued to enter the next meditation hour. The next meditation time is divided into 2 small sessions, from 8-9am and from 9am-11am. I also don't know why it's split into 2 sessions like that.
Everyone settled into their seats in the order arranged in the meditation hall. I entered the mood of this meditation session, ready for the next hours of suffering after spending 2 hours of morning meditation.
Suddenly a sound came from the speakers of the meditation hall. I recognize it the voice of the man in the meditation this morning singing (groaning) in the meditation hall. He started teaching today's exercises. Today's exercise is to observe the breath. He instructed to observe the breath around the nose area, under the nose, in the rim of the nose or around the wings of the nose. Watch the breath coming in and the breath going out.
The guide is just that. And the meditation hall was silent again, and the meditation session began. I see why the instructions are so simple, I already know this, it's simple. Observe this breath, the applications I use like Headspace are also only. I think there will be more instructions after that. I started to close my eyes and practice according to the instructions.
Actually, normally when I sit at home to meditate, I can concentrate for a few seconds and then I will think about it, many days I feel so uncomfortable that I want to sit for 10 minutes, but after 2-3 minutes, my whole gut is hot and then I quit. .
And here, knowing that I will sit for 1 hour, I am also mentally prepared to sit down and try my best, but it is too much for me to bear. Just like in the morning, I try to focus on my breathing, and tell myself that I've been sitting for a long time. But it took less than 1 hour.
I think in my mind it's only day 1, only the first few hours, but like this, I don't know if I'll give up halfway. Thoughts drifted from one thing to another.
“Cong…. coong… coong”
3 bells and the man sounded again: "Take rest for 5 minutes and then come back". I feel liberated. “Phew… 1 hour more” – I thought to myself.
Everyone scrambled to get up to go to the bathroom and stretch their arms and legs before returning to the meditation hall for the next two hours of meditation. I am not ready yet. It's only been 1 hour, but I feel so terrible, I don't know what the next 2 hours will be like.
I think about lunch time, think about going back to sleep to get motivated to continue. I told myself everything would be fine.
“Cong…. coong… coong”
The three bells rang again and everyone went back into the meditation hall to continue. I'm curious if the next 2 hours of meditation will be different from the last 1 hour. Why meditate for 1 hour, rest for 5 minutes and then meditate for 2 hours?
Lesson 9: Tired of meditation
Day 1 (continued)
After completing 1 hour of meditation from 8-9am and resting for 5 minutes, people return to the meditation hall to meditate again from 9-11am.
I am wondering why the time is divided like that.
The meditation session still begins with the same meditation instruction as before, still observing and shaping the breath. I still don't know why this time I meditated continuously for 2 hours. I entered this meditation session with the mindset that it would be as difficult as this early morning meditation from 4:30-6:30.
And that's exactly what it is. I was only determined for the first 10 minutes, and for the rest of the time I couldn't sit still or concentrate for too long. My body and legs are too tired. Waking up too early this morning made me feel tired too.
I counted every minute until it was time for lunch. I only think about eating and going to sleep.
After "thousands of years" of suffering, the 3 bells of "coong...cooong...cooong" finally rang and the sound of the other man came again from the speaker in the meditation hall: "Take rest, take rest". How much I hated him this morning for singing (groaning) for too long and now I see his 2 hours "take rest" like a lifesaver.
Everyone stood up one by one to go down to the dining hall. The meditation hall is located on the first floor of the building and the dining hall is located on the ground floor.
Lunch is still a full buffet, and I eat it wholeheartedly to regain my strength. Even though it's just sitting in one place to meditate, I feel like I've just gone to "war" to spend a lot of energy.
This time, I learned from experience, I am still as hungry as in the morning, but eat a little faster so I can go back to bed in time.
I had time to sleep for a while before the 3 bells rang again by the meditation guardian uncle (the one who supported the meditation course). “Cong … Coong .. Coong”
I was really tired all over my body and legs and felt too lazy to go down to meditate but tried to get up because everyone else had already gone.
The afternoon was more intense than the morning. It is not 3 hours but 4 hours continuously from 1:00 - 5:00 pm, divided into 3 sessions, 1h-2h30, 2h30-3h30 and 3h30-5h.
I look at the calendar and want to be depressed.
My afternoon is worse than morning. It seems that the energy in the afternoon is not as much as in the morning and moreover, I feel there is nothing new compared to the morning, it is still just practicing observing and shaping the breath.
It's not a retreat, at least change the content of the tutorial to make it interesting, right?! And here, from morning to afternoon, it's just observing and shaping the breath, but sitting is painful and just waiting for the time to run out.
I just counted the minutes until it was time to rest, and counted the hours to the end of day 1.
I noticed in the evening schedule there was a discourse from 7am-8:15am. I don't know what discourse is either, but it looks like I won't have to meditate for the time being. I hope so because I'm tired of meditating.
Lesson 10: Discomfort and Uncomfortable
Day 1 (continued)
After completing 4 hours of afternoon meditation from 1am-5pm, I get a 1 hour tea break (drink tea) and fruit if anyone wants to eat more from 5am-6pm. After that, people return to the meditation hall to meditate again from 6-7pm before going to another hall to listen to the discourse.
I'm quite curious what the discourse is. Just like in meditation, men sit in one area and women in a separate area, when listening to discourse, the men go into a separate room, with a projector installed. I can't remember if it's the TV or the projector.
The first day there were some minor technical problems so it took 10-15 minutes to start the discourse. A man appeared on the screen, he looked like an Indian, gray hair, a little fat. There was an old woman sitting next to her.
He started talking. I realize this is his voice singing (groaning) and guiding meditation all day today. After the course, I found out that he was Mr. Goenka.
He started talking about the first day of discomfort and discomfort and explained why there was this discomfort and discomfort.
He talked about why on the first day just observe the breath and shape the breath. Why choose the breath? He also introduced Vipassana and the method of Vipassana. He also reiterates a few tips to make learning and practicing meditation as effective as possible.
There are many good lessons interwoven with theory to make it easier for everyone to feel.
Actually, now I remember that I don't remember what the teacher said every day, I have to go back to find the content to share with you again.
After listening to the teacher's sharing, I also had a little more faith and hope for the next days. I understand better that the aches and pains of every day are something everyone has, not just me. It's just that because I can't talk and share with anyone, I think it's only me.
I also understand better why the breath is chosen for observation over chanting or other methods.
After listening to the discourse, everyone returned to the meditation hall to meditate for about an hour more and then everyone went back to their bedrooms to prepare for day 2.
I'm just tired but I also hope that day 2 will be better than day 1.
…
[To be continued… See you next post]
Lesson 11: Being pressed too hard
Days 2, 3, and 4
After listening to Mr. Goenka's discourse on day 1, I have a little more hope to continue the next day.
Honestly, when day 1 is over, I think about 9 days left, and I feel terribly anxious. Before the start of the lockdown, I felt very relaxed, but now I feel very nervous.
And it is true that the fear of eating to death my hope on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th day.
For the next 3 days, it's still just aches and pains all over the body, every minute in the head will never stop meditating, and it's still just observing and determining the breath.
I can't sit still for more than 3-5 minutes, but imagine that 11 hours a day, ie 33 hours, 2000 minutes, divided by 3-5 minutes each time means I go through 400 times, 130 times a day. physically and psychologically, constantly changing positions.
Also, every night, I have sleep paralysis and talk a lot. And it's not a ball anymore. Sleep paralysis is just lying in one place and seeing everything around but not moving. And here, on the 2nd or 3rd night, I felt like someone covered my face with a blanket and pressed me down, I had to fight continuously to be able to breathe and ask for help. I woke up in the middle of the night in the middle of the night. I felt terribly embarrassed because I knew I was talking nonsense even though I couldn't hear myself.
But like I told you, I was still lying next to the window right next to the pine forest. The feeling of having such a nightmare and still lying next to the window overlooking the forest, it's scary, multiplied by 10.
And it's not just me who talks nonsense, almost everyone in the room does. I don't understand why is that. It's so scrary.
These 3 days are terrible for me.
In between the short breaks between meditation sessions, I always try to sleep to forget the fatigue and pain.
And when the bell rang to tell everyone to come down to continue meditating, I was still lying on the bed to the extent that the meditation guardian (the one who supported the course) called me down, but I was like a child who hated going to school. I begged for a day off because I was too tired and in pain. But my uncle did not allow me to meditate and told me to meditate with everyone.
I continue to have to go down to meditate.
Perhaps, the brightest point of these 3 days is the meals. I eat a lot and am always the last one to sit down during the meal.
There were many times when I wanted to ask to return, please stop, ask to quit the course because it was too much for me to bear. Maybe only a few sessions of listening to Goenka's evening discourse describing psychology and explaining the meaning of each day can help me have a little more hope for the next day.
It was not until the afternoon of the fourth day that the course began to move into something new.
I will tell you more in the next post.
Lesson 12: It is better not to know its existence
After finishing the first 3 days of the course, on the 4th day there was something new to help me keep looking forward to finishing the course. The first three days have been terrible for me.
The morning of the 4th day everything was still the same as the previous day. In the afternoon, however, Goenka began to teach the new skill of meditation. The first 3 days I focus on meditation.
Today I practice the sensations around the nose and top of the head. For the first 3 days just focus on identifying the touch of the breath on the skin and keep the focus on the breath. Today, I also observed hot, cold, dry, wet, or any other sensations appearing around the area of the nose and top of the head.
I feel anxious because every single thing I can't do to keep my focus on my breath is how can I do new things. I felt like I was a student who was left behind in class. I remember back in middle school when I had to study math, or high school when I had to study physics and chemistry. I am haunted by the fear of losing my friends.
However, at least he taught me something new that made me feel like conquering, but I was tired of observing and shaping my breath.
Today is also the day I start Vipassana Meditation, and the first 3 days are just meditation practice and moral training.
Just like the first 3 days, in the next 3 days (4, 5, 6) I focus completely on meditation, 11 hours a day.
The "wonderful" thing (in pain) of 3 days 4, 5, 6 is that I know where I am in pain and I look at it, and for the first 3 days (1, 2, 3), I just feel difficult. bear and have to change sitting positions continuously. However, to tell you the truth, it was much more painful than the first 3 days.
Because if I don't know its existence, don't look at it, don't feel it, I wouldn't care, I just change my position. And here, I was in pain but I still focused on it, it multiplied the pain tenfold.
At first, I used to practice my body from top to bottom, the next day I practiced it from bottom to top, and so on.
I was able to sit for a little longer, about 15-20 minutes without changing positions. Maybe because I have to try to finish 1 way from top to bottom and bottom to top, so I try to endure as long as possible.
And like the first 3 days, I counted each day to finish the course. 6 days left, 5 days left, fighting for 4 more days… I kept telling myself.
I really want to be freed from this "hell". Too much pain and suffering, and nothing interesting at all. Everything is repetitive. Nothing to entertain.
“Do your best…”
Little did I know, I was about to enter the day that changed my worldview completely. 7th day.
Lesson 13: There's no benefit
The other day I told you about my 4th, 5th and 6th days at the Vipassana Meditation course I'm taking. Before I tell you about day 7, there is one thing I need to tell you first.
During these 3 days, there was a concept that I heard and repeated a lot in the meditation classes as well as in the lectures of Mr. Goenka. It's equanimity.
Honestly, I'm not satisfied with any Vietnamese word translated into equanimity. Peaceful, calm, calm, relaxed…
To me, equanimity seems to include everything in life, it is a balance, always changing but will always return to the original state. After the noise, everything will be quiet again. After the wind causes the lake to move, it will return to stillness. And vice versa. When it is quiet, it will make noise, and when it is quiet, it will move.
In 3 days 4, 5 and 6, I started to practice observing the sensations in the body, which here are big, conspicuous sensations such as pain, heat, cold, dry, wet, aching, Tired, comfortable…
And while observing these sensations, Goenka kept talking about equanimity, practicing observing equanimity with these sensations. He said observing these feelings, we will understand the equanimity nature of everything in life, that everything will always change, the feelings of now may not be the same as then, the day before may not be the same as today. after.
Just like I told you about my 4th, 5th, and 6th days, I honestly just have a feeling of pain and pain, nothing changes or changes. It's still just excruciating pain and suffering. The most painful is the knee. It hurts so bad that sometimes I can't stand. It's like there's something clogged and lumpy in my knee.
You know, physical pain it spreads to mental and mental pain because of nerve conduction. So as much as my knee hurts, I also have mental pain.
I began to feel that this course of meditation had brought me nothing but pain and suffering. I'm starting to think this is just a theory, but what's the point of equanimity when it hurts like this. I'm fed up with this Goenka teacher saying equanimity over and over again but I can't feel anything no matter how hard I try.
I try to sit longer, observe my body more closely, try to go through each hour of meditation to get to the finish line for 10 days.
The hours of discourse no longer save me like the first 3 days. Now every time I listen to the discourse, I feel inhibited because Mr. Goenka keeps saying a lot of things about equanimity and how it relates to life, but I only feel pain, pain, and pain!
I feel like I'm about to reach the limit of my tolerance... I thought: "One more day and it still hurts like this, I'd like to go home soon."
…
[There will be more… see you in the next post]
Lesson 14: Shocked, Unbelievable
I entered the 7th day of the course with the same mood as the previous days, still confused about the benefits of this course and engulfed in body aches, especially my knees. I feel like his knees are about to fall off. Now just sitting down cross-legged will hurt both knees, not to mention sitting for a long time.
This morning there was a new request from Mr. Goenka compared to the previous days. He asked everyone to sit in one position for as long as possible, without changing positions and without moving.
"Oh my god, I'm going to die!" - I want to go crazy in my head.
Just sitting is already painful, now I am "forced" to sit in one position for as long as possible. I'll probably die.
I decided not to sit cross-legged anymore, because I knew that if I sat cross-legged I would have to have both of my legs amputated after I finished. I changed to a sitting position on my shins and put a pillow between my shins and thighs like some other meditators. I saw them sit like this a few days ago and imitated them. It still hurts but it's a bit better than sitting cross-legged.
I am mentally ready for 1 hour of morning meditation (8-9am) after Mr. Goenka finishes the instruction. I told myself in my head that I would try my best, but to be honest, I had very little hope.
Everyone is still doing meditation as usual, contemplating sensations in the body from top to bottom from bottom to top. And have to hold one position for as long as possible.
I try to sit for as long as possible, try to focus my body on not focusing on the pain anymore.
About 10-15 minutes passed, my knee started to hurt. I know 10-15 minutes because my shop from top to bottom will usually be around that range. Because there are a few hours of sitting at the shop about 4.5 times, the shop will run out for 1 hour, so I think the time is better.
I try to sit still and not change my position. By 20-25 minutes, my knee started to hurt a lot, but I still tried to bear it. My stubborn and self-defeating nature is sometimes useful. Now I don't want to fail this challenge of holding a pose for as long as possible.
There came a time when I had run out of patience because the pain was too much, but I know this is the longest time I have ever sat without changing my posture because I have been able to eat 3 or 4 times. I think it's almost an hour. I had to take my leg off because the pain was so great. It took me maybe two or three minutes to get out of the sitting posture because I couldn't feel my legs anymore.
After that, I tried to sit again, but after sitting for about 2-3 minutes, the bell rang. One hour of meditation is over.
I was shocked and couldn't believe I had been sitting in one position for so long. Must have been at least 50 minutes of continuous sitting.
From the first days until the 6th day, I could only sit for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, I had to change positions, now I have been sitting for 50 minutes.
I can't believe it.
But my feet hurt so much.
I have to take advantage of a little rest to go back to meditation.
Something new happened…
Lesson 15: What is this feeling?
After the magic morning meditation from 8-9am, for the first time I felt something positive and beneficial about this course. This is the first time I can sit in meditation for so long. After that Zen session, I wondered, if I do the same now with the cross-legged posture, I can sit for so long?
To be honest, I don't have much hope because I don't know how to describe to you the extent of my knee pain when sitting cross-legged. It was like someone lit a campfire right at my knee joint. It is hot, painful, aching right at the knee joint when I sit. So just thinking about trying to sit for a long time with that pain makes me want to go crazy.
But there's nothing to lose, at the very least, change your sitting position. The thing is, as I said the other day, on the morning of the 7th, Mr. Goenka asked from today, everyone try to sit in one position for as long as possible and limit changing positions. I see that everyone is taking it very seriously, so every time I change my legs, the rustling sound makes me very shy.
I entered the next 2 hours of meditation from 9am to 11am with the attitude of eating everything, falling to nothing.
“Let's do it” (just fight) – I repeat in my head as the meditation session begins. Just sitting cross-legged, both knees are already smoldering.
If sitting on my knees this morning helped me endure the pain until 20-25 minutes before I had to strain myself to endure it, this time sitting cross-legged, it was already painful for only 5 minutes.
However, I apply what I have learned about meditation in the past days as well as the experience of the first hour of the morning. I don't focus on the pain anymore, I focus on contemplating from top to bottom and ignore the pain as much as possible. Of course it still hurts, but every time it stings in my knee, I breathe and relax more and try to return to the point of view.
There are times when I wince because of the pain and want to cry, but I don't allow myself to give up. I have to do it.
The shop was about 2 rounds up and down, I guess it would have been sitting for 20-25 minutes at that time, I consider it a great success.
I try to sit a little longer.
After a while, the pain in his knee was no longer sharp, but it was milder to a pain. I still shop from top to bottom and from bottom to top.
After a while, something strange happened.
Right at my sore knee, something strange happened. The painful mass there gave off a tremendous amount of energy, it felt like an explosion, a blocked pipe there broke.
In seconds, all that pain broke into billions of pieces and there was a stream of energy running through the body from head to toe, from foot to head.
I feel like I'm flying in the air, light as a feather. No pain, all light. A feeling of happiness filled my body and mind.
“What is this feeling?!? Omg… amazing…” – I don’t understand what is going on…
I sat there, immersed in this magical feeling.
…
[To be continued… see you in the next post]
Lesson 16: Anti-fan
Some of you wonder why I describe and tell details about the Vipassana meditation course I participated in. It involves many issues.
First of all, I know there are many of you who have heard a lot of positive things about this meditation course and you think it's all rosy, but I want to give you an overview so you won't be "shocked" when participating.
Second, I know there are a lot of anti-fans of Vipassana meditation, and anti-fans, you know, are often vaguely heard, second, they see someone participating with expressions or attitudes that make them hate them, third. simply hate it if you don't like it.
I have heard stories from my friends that they saw other people after participating in a Vipassana Meditation course completely changed or having expressions and attitudes that looked nothing like a person returning from a Zen class.
Still mean, difficult, blunt, but always telling others to go take a Zen course.
Because of this, they hate the people who attend this course, and by the way, hate this course as well.
I also talked about this issue in previous articles. It is a very normal thing.
An easy comparison is that a person reads a very good book and experiences many good things, I take for example the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (yes, a product no less than the number of anti-fans). However, they haven't changed much, sometimes they behave more strangely, pragmatically or annoyingly than before, but I always recommend reading this book.
These people are on the path to change, but they are still more on the theoretical surface.
With Vipassana meditation, it has to come from practice. I suppose, there will be many people participating in the meditation course who only change on the theoretical surface from the discourses, and there will be many people who change on the surface of their meditation practice experience.
There are also people who change through the combination of Dharma talk and meditation practice, like me, for example. But there are outsiders who change their thinking in terms of Dharma talk and meditation practice. In addition, they also have many life experiences and their personalities are already stable, so they will develop more than others.
Actually, I don't intend to convince you that Vipassana is a good meditation course or that you should join it. Is this due to enough fate or not, or sometimes it is not the path you need to take.
Wishing you much peace in life.
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